[story of a girl]

saw dr. terry this morning. it went well. i think she was surprised to see me back, but it's fine with her that i continue seeing her. she really is very nice; just lacks knowledge in behavioral health issues she should be familiar with. she didn't change any of my meds, but suggested next time we talk about lithium and/or wellbutrin (again) because i'm not getting any relief from the depression. i know medication isn't a cure-all so i'm going to try to work harder in therapy, too... like bring in my art, my writing, my workbooks, help her get inside my head. eventually, it's up to me, but i need help, too.

coffee. two rice cakes. leg lifts while reading. not good. i'm gonna go see what there is to eat seeing as i haven't eaten in six hours. i took a nap and kind of just forgot to eat. maybe something's down there that will appeal to me. lately, food tastes like cardboard and i can barely stomach anything... my depression has stolen my need for satiety, food, you name it. anyway, here's a poem i wrote in anticipation of october.

october, how i love you:
your twisted, emaciated limbs
arch towards the sky,
shedding leaves like
a snake does its skin.
crisp and crunchy beneath
soles of battered tennis shoes,
i walk amongst these fallen leaves,
relishing the cool winds
swirling through the sky.
october, how i love you:
you greet the world with beauty
in the changing of the seasons.
summer reaching an end; sticky
heat no more. winter on the horizon,
cold, frightening life ahead.
yet you bring peace and beauty,
solitude and comfort.
october how i hate you:
for thirty-one days you are
but a blessing in disguise,
for autumn meats winter in a
tangeled mess of withered branches,
frozen ground, abscence of sun,
and the center of what kills us all.